Drifting.

Surrender.

I am slipping into a state of restful unconciousness,
As gripping and inviting at the brink of darkness.
At the final strike of the witching hour,
I am at the pinnacle of sweet surrender.
No more am I at the brink of recognition,
I am finally drifting off into oblivion.

I feel at peace,
My heart's at ease.
I'm floating,
Along a shadowed setting.

*****

Falling asleep in life. This is what I do. Live and let live. Laugh and cry. Remember and forget. The circle goes on and on. Monotony is a part of life. It is not to be forsaken but to be gotten used to. I walk on the streets everyday, without a purpose. Without an ultimate goal.

Dad once said, out of all three children, he worries about me the most. Why? Because he thought that I was drifting. I didn't have an aim then, I still don't have one now. I guess he was right to worry. I'm on the brink of sanity when it comes to this. I'm so torn up between the artistic and mechanical side of me. A part of me wants to enjoy life the way where I can use my talents, be it sing or draw, or even both! Another part of me, the more realistic part of me knows that it is but a one in a million chance of me, ever amounting to anything at all if I chose that path. That part of me, is the reason I'm taking all this crap in at college. Okay, they might not be crap. But when will I be able to apply Young's Modulus if I don't end up majoring in Physics? Does the Centre Of Mass of a cylinder, a cone or heck, even a combination of both really matter to me? Hell no! But why do I love it? Why do I love the rush that comes when I get a correct answer when I'm doing Further Math? Why is it that I love numbers when they are probably just symbols drawn up by cavemen and one day decided to use those particular symbols to measure the quantity of things? Age? Weight?

I guess I just love Maths. Too bad I'm not absolutely fantastic in it. =)

I need a motivation.

What exactly am I living for?

What DO I want to do?

I wish the answers are as clear for me as they are, seemingly, for everybody else in my life.

One thing I do know, is that I need to give myself a tight slap and step into reality.