Jittery(like a bug?).

Iish. SPM results coming out tomorrow. I really wonder, is it just me, or am I just too non-emotional right now. Last time something this major came out, as Dizie kindly reminded me, I couldn't sleep the night before. Now, I'm still chilling out, watching Nip/Tuck on Miley, sipping Vitagen*which I must admit, is quite addictive. I've been drinking at least a small bottle a day. Lol.* and reading the books I got at Kinokuniya yesterday.

You people would probably already have known about this since like, last year. If I get good results, I may be going to Singapore*I know Omokie would probably be rejoicing now*. If I don't, I'll stay on in Taylors. Sigh. Taylors has always been a back-up plan you know. Just in case I don't get into Singapore, I'd still be back on track to be whatever I wanna be, wherever I wanna go in the future. However, when I really think about it, would I be able to do what Omokie did*if I can get into a good JC*? To leave behind everything and everyone back here that I love so much and start anew in a dog-eat-dog place like Singapore?

Coming to Taylors, I thought, would be a nice way to spend my 3 months of holidays, a productive way nonetheless, but I never thought that I'd meet so many new people, have so much fun in such a short span of time. These people, are the people I wanna continue to see and have fun with for the next couple of years. I know I might seem over-emotional about this, but I can't help it. I'm the horrendously emotional girl who cries about once a week, watching touching movies. Darn. Plus, there's the whole being close to family thing. I know I might not be 'The Golden Child' at home, but I DO love my family to bits. I'd go to the end of the world for them. The thought of not seeing them everyday, kinda just hits home.

Okay. Before you people berate me from keeping things to myself, there's Eng Joe too. Sigh. *I know you're reading this, Mickey.* He's, been wonderful. Actually, more than that. How many guys exactly do you know that would peel off a prawn's casing for me just because I was lazy to do it myself? Exactly. None. Nada. Zilch. But he surprised me when he did that. It might seem like a really simple thing to do, but he touched my heart. *Stop grinnning, Mickey. Blehh.* Just how many guys do you know who'd always be there for you when you need him, emotionally? Not many. Most would run 100km/h in the opposite direction once I made it clear that I was about to erupt from all the stress in me. But he didn't. He voluntarily stayed and made sure that I was okay. When I cried, he's always the one to cheer me up and make me laugh you know? When I really needed to talk about things that's been bothering me, he's always been the one to listen to me. When I'm bored, he's the one who entertains me with his funny anecdotes and jokes. When I'm low in spirit, he's the one who reminds me to fight for what we want in life, that nothing comes free in the world of ours. He motivates me to be a better person. He makes me happy. I love being who I am when I'm with him and I love who he is when he is with me. We're two people who feels safe with each other, with no need to pretend to be somebody else when we're together. =) This is no bloody infatuation either, for all the skeptics out there. To leave him behind. I really don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I want to.

But when I think about what I've always believed in, 'Whatever that's yours, will forever be yours and never will run away', I absolutely have faith in us. Sigh. This is really confusing me. I know I have to stay true to myself, and pursue whatever that would secure a brighter future for me. At the same time, how can I say that I'm staying true to us? I know, I know. 'Love' needs no boundaries and doesn't tie you down. If it's really love, we can endure this. I say, bring it on baby. =D

P.S. I can be really contradictory sometimes.
P.P.S. Mickey, forever and always, remember? =)