Emotions..who needs them?

Huge waves of emotions are lapping in one after another so fast that I'm always in a foul mood these days. Its probably because of the fact that I ruined a relationship and hurt someone who cares so much about me. Maybe its because that I still miss him. Yesterday, I was in the hotel having dinner and I suddenly felt a pang of guilt and thought about him. How is his life today? Did he eat enough? Is his health okay? Maybe its because that I have been used to caring for him night and day for the past 13 months and I haven't got used to the fact that I'm not to ask for him anymore.

Another ludicrous theory is that: lim mun cheng made me like this. Him with his sweet talking and incredible sense of humour, makes me so happy at times. Then, he would stop calling and messaging me. I hate waiting for someone. This is just so illogical. He seems so perfect for me in every way, yet I can't bring myself to tell him how I really feel about him. Sometimes I just want to kiss him but at times, I want to strangle him out of frustration. This is when all the crazy thinking comes in. "Why do you think you can take up so much of his time?You're not even his girlfriend for goodness sake!", "He doesn't like you. You're just another girl in his life. Get as far as possible from him if you don't want to get hurt. You can't afford to get hurt in this crucial time of your life.", "These feelings suck. I want to shout at somebody."

I have to accept it. I am an attention-seeker. I need attention, especially from guys.

This is bad.