Ahh...with the upcoming rage of secret blogs...I thought...ahhh..what the heck..why not get one myself?I don't have to keep everything inside me then..you, can be my salvation...=)
These past few months has been pure torture...I cannot deny that my feelings for him are deteriorating but I don't know why I'm still holding on...perhaps its because I'm afraid to hurt him?or maybe its because I don't want him to think of me as a person who toyed with his feelings...am I that kind of person?One who toys with people?Looking back at my past relationships, if you would let me call them that, I feel as if I'm such a bitch. I'm always the one who hurts people...yeah..I've been hurt before...but most of the time, I'm the cause of people's pain. Call me vain or whatever, I do feel responsible for it no matter what you might say.
I may not know what is coming up ahead, but I'm really getting tired of this facade. Each and everyday, I try to convince myself..."Yes, I am still very much in love with you."..but its not working that well anymore. I used to be able to blind myself with just a sentence but I don't think I can do this any longer..Rachel and Kah Yan said that its because I'm bored with him already, I'm sure part of me agrees..but somehow..I don't think I wanna believe it. For once, I thought I had proven to myself that I too, can maintain a relationship, not just a fling. I'm proven wrong once again. Maybe I really should be ordained..Maybe I really should just keep to myself and stop talking to guys or somewhat...I don't want to hurt anyone. Not after what happened with Warren. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Talking is always easier than actually doing it..because I think I'm falling into this torturous trap again. Is this what you mean by love? Always deceitful. Am I being ludicrous? Definitely.
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