For You I Will.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have,
And cannonball into the water.
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have,
For you I will.
You always want what you can't have,
But I've got to try.
For you I will.
- For You I Will - Teddy Geiger.

He's right. You always want what you can't have. So why want at all? I've been feeling so down and depressed lately. I just wish that I could laugh as freely as before. I miss laughing. I mean, really laughing like I mean it. Not another forced laugh or smile, one just to humuor people with. Not another one. I'm starting to hate what I'm becoming. What I am hate what I've become. Steph, you don't need a guy to be complete. Sure, there's the sacred feminine thingy that says that a person alone, is incomplete. When paired up with the right person, only then, both will become one. Bugger. This sucks and I know it. I mean, I knew it all along. Since the start.'

I've had a lot of time to think about things. I realised that, all this while, I didn't tell him what I really want to say to him. Which is a lot. Things I'll never say to him I mean.

I really miss you.
I miss you being a part of my life.
The day I met you, I didn't know how much pain you would inflict upon me, but I knew, how much happiness you would bring me. I thought, that what we had was special. Perhaps, we were just meant to be friends. Friends, is all you want to be. I respect that and I wouldn't have it any other way if you didn't want it. Now, all that is left, is...well, nothing. No more messages. No more phone calls. I miss your voice so much that its impossible to be compared with anything. I miss having someone other than the girls to talk to. I miss knowing what you're up to every second of the day. I miss, being your special girl. I..just want everything to go back to the way it was. I wish that I didn't have so much feelings for you. I wouldn't be in so much pain if I didn't. Whatever you decide, I'll follow suit. Even if it means losing you.