Quoting 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus', men, when facing difficulties in life, rather resort to solitude than talk it out, like us girls. At least that's what I read the other day. So yeah. I'm giving this shit-method a chance because god knows how bad I'm feeling. I mean. Whenever I'm having a problem. I'll just talk it out with him, but when HE'S having a problem. I won't get a whiff of it till right when he starts acting weird. Am I really that clueless of a person, or is he THAT gifted at pretending that everything is fine and dandy until that he decides that he's had enough? Then again, he's a guy, and I'm a girl. Of course I wouldn't understand him.
To tell you the truth, it's like living with a bomb that's about to be detonated at any second and end my miserable life or going through puberty where those horrible zits will suddenly decide that we are worthy enough to be graced by their presence. I have never experienced anything like this before. I've got to becareful of what I say or do at all times. I've got to be on my guard at all times that it's so exhausting. I don't know how people do it. God damn it! What is wrong with me. I've finally got a guy who deserves someone so much better than I am, but chose to choose ME, cherish ME and love ME. I'm trying so hard to be the girl/woman that he dreams of day and night, but I feel as if I have achieved NOTHING at all in the past 8 months and 9 days. However, it's not as if I feel this way everyday I'm with him. Most of the time, I'm so grateful to even be thought of by him. It's just that sometimes, when I'm brave enough to think about it, I'm almost sure that it's this, this him-not-being-able-to-talk-to-me thing, is the thing that would finally wedge us apart after all the things we've been through.
I don't know. Maybe it's really me. Maybe I'm the reason that he feels that he's so much less than who he truly is. I just wish that I could see what he's thinking about and help him through it. Okay, maybe not. If I'm the problem, why would he want me involved? He'd want me as far away as possible from him and I'd gladly oblige even if it means the end for me. I just want what's best for him. Sometimes, I think that love, makes people more self-destructive than they really are.
He makes me stronger. I just wish that he would let me in.
Let me make you stronger, please.
I love you.
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A hidden sanctuary. A safe haven. An impenetrable line of defense against all the complicated things that life throws at you. This is what this is. Complete. Whole, even, with you people around, giving me all the strength I need to go on in life. Ohana. It's what you people are to me. =)
7 comments:
steph, guys at this age is diff from before. one or two years ago,they might still tell u everything and how they feel. but it's diff now. i can tell u that, at times they just do not want to tell their gf what's wrong. simply because they feel that they can handle it. yes, we care and we do want to share their worries. yet guys want space and privacy at certain hours of the day. to them, maybe not all of them, some, it's that as long as you love him and they love you, that's all that matters to them. they might not tell u a single word abt how they think, yet you know that deep inside he still loves you. isnt that what matters most? all these prob can be solved. you both just have to sit down and talk abt it. it aint easy at all. and both sides mz control temper well. esp emotions. very important. else it wld be a disaster. try telling him how u feel. but, do step back a lil at times. guys want to breathe as well. =) take care alright. hugs.
Gah. I hate the fact that with him, I don't feel the need to come up for air. I'd be more than delighted to stay with him 24/7. Thinking that HE needs to come up for air when he's with me. I don't know. Offends me a little I guess. Is my company THAT bad? Rach. I get what you mean. I guess that I do agree with you, but you know, easier said than done, right? But, I'll try. Thanks girl.
yeah. it would be a lil offensive. the fact is, things have already happened. even though it offends you a lil or lots, you'll still have to swallow them all down if u really want this relationship to work. you cant just blow up all the time. it would make things worse int the long run. having a 24/7 standby gf or bf might sound to good to be true at times. in books and movies it would work. reality, no. your company isnt that bad as how you think it is. it's just that sometimes, it's just space, trust and privacy that are needed. =) give it some time girl. just dont blow all the time. then you'll get what i'm trying to say. =)
DUDE! Don't just blow all the time? EWWWWWWWW! SO WRONG! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
wth. not that kinda blow you monkey. dirty minded sial laa you. O.O
boo!
OMG. i'm so scared - not. xD.
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